Stuff From My Head

This is the Power Rangers shirt again. (Just so you know)

For my comics class, I have been reading Watchmen. (Boy, I was not expecting it to be as dense as it was.) While I’m really liking the story, I kinda-really-hate all of the characters.

The one who I relate to most though is Rorschack. He reminds me of myself when I was about 16 (which is funny if you think about Rorschack being like a blonde teenage girl who does ballet). He has a very absolutist yet chaotic view on the world, that made me think of the self-inflicted insanity I endured at that time. For him it was caused because he could no longer carry on the same way after learning a child was butchered and fed to dogs. For me it was caused because I was a bored, asshole, high school kid who couldn’t relate with the majority of my classmates and a few members of my family at the time. Truthful darkness was attractive to me, something I thought I understood, and very well may have.

But I grown up and had some more legit schooling since then. I’ve been introduced into the theories behind  pre-determinism and learned to arrange my subconscious around the possibility. I’ve also come to understand that the mind functions better when you keep a positive view on the world, which gave me incentive to start  appreciating my place in life.

If it were possible to talk to a fictional character I would definitely want to explain some of my views to Rorschach; one of them being that homosexuality is biological, not a “choice” and the other being that he would do better to start liking things instead of a world of hate. But that would kinda ruin the point of his character, huh?

Well I have to be up in 5 hours, later internet!

Lan parties are fun

I’m currently at Dan’s lan party. (For those of you who may not know a lan party is when a bunch of people get together–specifically nerds who are entirely too intimate with the complexities of video games–and install a couple of different games on their computers and play them together in the same room.) His party is pretty casual and everyone is here is having a good time chilling out and exchanging conversations via memes (nerdy inside jokes).

I, personally, haven’t been playing with them-partially because I really suck at video games and don’t want to slow them down and partially because I have a crap ton of homework and a procrastination problem. Despite the fact that I’m not participating in the game-playing part of the party, it has been nice to be surrounded by a group of fellow nerds where I can say whatever the hell I want to say with out weirding them out too much. School for me is sometimes hard because I don’t have too much in common with my classmates in my major. I feel like I often have to give them some watered down version of myself in order to best communicate with them.

It made me wonder for a moment that if I associate so much better with this crowd why am I trying so hard to force myself into dance where I can barely communicate with them? I think some of it is my stubborn drive to continue with dance in spite of those who do not want dancers with thicker body types in their companies. I also think some of it is that I want to make it in a profession where I would be very different from my peers.

Despite the forces that constantly drive against me in my possible career path and how well I mesh with the nerd community, I don’t think going into a job where I’m working at an office would do it for me. I need movement, creation, and beauty–and while these may be found in a video game design job, I have grown fond of dance studios over the years and find that dance is a language that I’ve learned to create with.

So I guess that just puts me in the limbo of not quite being a dancer, but not quite being a nerd either.

Ehh we’ll see how I feel tomorrow.